Moving into the 2012 Christmas season, a lot has changed for me. I’m in the process of closing a 6-year long chapter of my life, and it feels to me like a “quarter-life crisis”. At 26 years old, I find myself unhappy, even though I have a beautiful home,a puppy, a stable job as an engineer, and a great relationship. For awhile I knew something was missing, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. I tried to fill the gap with activities, a fun new part-time job, a basement renovation. Each time I added something new to my life, it distracted me long enough to feel like it was a step in the right direction. Until the feeling returned, leaving me feeling hurt, tired, and more lost than before. I was unhappy. I wore myself out by working two jobs. The puppy kept me up throughout the night, then ate everything in sight throughout the day. I was so busy, I was rarely home long enough to do anything but quickly make meals and clean the house, only to run out the door for my next scheduled item. I was so sleep deprived my driver’s license was taken away because my doctor assumed I had narcolepsy. Everyone I knew commented about how I was doing so much all the time (with worry in their eyes), and they didn’t know how I did it. I ignored the subtext.
My ego was louder than that teeny tiny voice deep down that had been ignored for so long, that it had become silent. I began toying with the idea that some big changes had to happen in order for me to feel differently. Then I read my journal from exactly one year ago. I had had the EXACT same thoughts and emotional struggles one year ago. I remember saying to myself: “If nothing changes in a year, then I will need to do something about it”. I even remember thinking that I probably wouldn’t need to make any big changes, because I was secretly hoping that things would improve, work out. I was dead wrong. Then I took a leap.
I made a BIG change. I thought: “I am 26 years old, and don’t know who I am on my own. What am I doing?”. I realized I needed to devote some serious time to finding out who I was, and begin caring for the neglected being that resides inside my body:
The Soul. The only way to do that in my eyes, was to remove myself from the situation I was in, and start fresh. I began listening to that feeble voice deep down, and it is slowly becoming louder and stronger. I would now be dedicated to doing everything I could to care for ALL of me: Body, Mind & Soul. Here was my turning point, and as they say: when one door closes, another one opens.
The door I’ve opened (thanks to the coaching and guidance of incredible friends), is the awareness that your Soul will guide you through this life and provide you everything you could ever need, if you nurture it, and listen to it. So, my friends, this blog is dedicated to sharing my ongoing experiences in whole-self wellness.